I watched Obama’s victory speech tonight in Madison where he thanked their current funny fucking governor, Jim Doyle. I think that Barack might have accidentally called him “Tim” perhaps thinking of another swing state Democratic governor and potential running mate, Tim Kaine (who is also a great friend of mine), but it was hard to tell since the names are similar.

As he was leaving the stadium to the sounds of that Signed, Sealed, Delivered song (the victory speech ending song never changes for Barack, but that’s ok with me) I reclined back with drowsy satisfaction and watched him work the rope line. But then I noticed how closely the secret service guards were pressed up around him obviously agitated at his lingering to shake hands. Fear overtook me as I became more and more convinced that soon I would see someone lunge out of the crowd and shoot him and everything on the screen would become a chaotic mess of screams and people falling. I don’t know why I got so worked up about it, but I eventually just had to turn it off. It was like playing that scary maze game if you already know what’s going to happen - just too tense (if you haven’t played the scary maze game and don’t know what happens, then please go play it! Nothing shocking or scary will happen, I promise. Then watch this video because nothing is funnier than a shocked and scared child).

Thankfully, given a lack of headlines on the subject on the news websites, it appears that he was not assassinated tonight.

At the other end, Clinton failed to congratulate Obama on his victories during her election night speech for the second time in a row. I guess she’s taking a page from Giuliani by sitting out and downplaying every contest until the next big state where she has a chance votes - Texas and Ohio are to Clinton as Florida was to Giuliani. It might work out better for her than it did for him, but it’s still risky. I’m not really sure why she’s pursuing this strategy, but a tight budget is probably the main reason. After all, she did put in a fair amount of time campaigning in Washington, Maine, and Virginia this last week, but concentrating most of her resources in the March 4th elections.

Another possibility is that she’s applying the same calculating bullshit that always hands defeat to the Democrats in the general to the primaries, if this is any indication:

“It is highly unlikely we will win Alaska or North Dakota or Idaho or Nebraska,” she said, naming several of Obama’s red state wins. “But we have to win Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, California, Arizona, New Mexico, Florida, Michigan … And we’ve got to be competitive in places like Texas, Missouri and Oklahoma.”

Now, I know that the 50-state strategy isn’t the smartest and greatest electoral strategy ever. Certainly, if it’s clear you aren’t going to win a state there’s little point in draining your resources in it. But there’s something to be said for at least attempting to make every state a competition rather than focusing on Florida, Pennsylvania, and Ohio while the other side starts fucking with your margins in Minnesota of all liberal holy places. And while the states Obama won that Clinton cites as being unplayable are indeed very red, her inclusion of Texas into the list of states that we need to be competitive in really diminishes her point.

If we should try to make Texas and Oklahoma real contests, then why not Alaska or North Dakota? They may not be as rich in electoral votes, but they’d be worlds cheaper to play in and no more Republican than Texas. Obviously, Clinton’s choice of mentioned states is calculated for the specific primary battles at hand, but it’s still stuck in the old fearful thinking of Democrats since the 80s. The same thinking that leads robocandidates like Kerry or Gore circa ‘00 to take conservative positions that don’t suit them in a cynical attempt to appeal to independents.

On the other side McCain had a good night. I think Huckabee really needed to pull of a surprise victory in Virginia to keep himself in it, and while he did reasonably well, he was way short. Maybe he would have done better tonight if the Washington state Republican Party hadn’t called the election prematurely for McCain on Saturday. I couldn’t agree with Huckabee more on that point - he was fucking robbed.

Our favorite huckaback claimed tonight that he was going to stay in and keep at it, but at this point he’s probably just trying to beat Mitt Romney at the delegate count just in case old man McCain kicks the bucket between now and the convention - not to appear overly fixated on the hypothetical deaths of major presidential candidates. Good luck, Mike! Someday in heaven, we will all take turns at kicking Mitt Romney’s ass at various games, sports, and competitions. It’ll be fun.

Anyway, tonight was a great slaughter! Way to go, Barack! You’ll close that gap even when you do count Super Delegates. Obama picked up Louisiana, Nebraska, and Washington, but clearly the only reason was the overwhelming black populations in these states and some serious repression of the female vote. Whatev - the Barack Rock is gonna rock it all the way to Maine tomorrow. Get out of the way!

Check out my democratic primary map below because I totally updated it. Notice that New Mexico is still not filled in. While in retrospect all of the states that crowded the February 5th primary date look kind of silly now because they achieved the exact opposite of what they were attempting, I would say that New Mexico looks the most foolish. Unless in a cunning move they are purposely delaying the counting of their last votes in order to make a big splash later on. Good on them!

On the Republican side the Huckaback took Kansas by storm earlier today, and as I’m writing this it looks like he’ll barely pick up Louisiana too. He’s also doing very well in Washington, but McCain is slightly ahead at this moment. Still, I didn’t expect him to do so well in the northwest. Pretty neat!

It’s the election cycle that never dies.

Anyone reading these new polls coming out will realize that I was completely on the ball with the whole “Mike Huckabee will soon become our ape-shit crazy but lovable president” thing. A certain someone will owe me 10 big ones come January 3rd (Caucus-Thirty!). That certain someone’s name is Brian, and I’m pretty sure that I’ve never told him about this blog so it’s ok to actually say his name.

Is anyone running for office? Would you like to hire me? Maybe you know Maria Cantwell. Please tell her that I would never take a long lunch in order to have sex with a minor, ok?

Wouldn’t it be funny if Mitt Romney renounced Mormonism in an act of political opportunism?

So Karl Rove is dishing out advice for Obama, and I’m not really clear on what his motives are. I can only hope that they are pure. Of course, his advice isn’t that great. Just really obvious stuff like “You should win the Iowa caucus” and “You should be strong and take on Clinton.”

There are too many people named Udall running for office in 2008. 2 by my count, but I don’t have an intern to fact check for me so don’t just accept that figure.

Nothing ever happened with that Edwards having an affair story. What up with that?

OK, there. That’s it.

UPDATE: I just told Brian about my blog via the google chat. So now he has read this post and is claiming no memory of our bet!

UPDATE 2: Brian wanted me to say that he is also looking for a job. Run that job by me first though, ok?