Benji Hardy

Rest Easy, Candidates

By Benji Hardy ⋅ and published February 9, 2008 ⋅  Email this post ⋅  Print this post ⋅ Post a comment

I know, I know, it’s been pretty rough lately. To have the attention of hundreds of millions people focused 24/7 on your smallest action must by now have worn what normal humanity you still possess down to a raw and painful nub. The unnatural sleep schedule, round-the-clock media assault, and schizophrenic distance-hopping from one side of the country to the other must be making you lose your grip on reality, slowly but surely. Increasingly, you must feel like dazed, pill-addled pop performers shoved mercilessly onto meaningless stage appearance after meaningless stage appearance by your handlers.

Well, your worries are over. You can stop the campaigning right now, because I, Benji Hardy, have at last stood up, gazed stoically across the political landscape, and cast my decisive hand upon the election. I have voted. And moreover, I spent not one, not two, but THREE, or around 2.75 at least, hours laconically dialing sheets of Pine Bluff phone numbers from the Obama headquarters in Little Rock, a full five or six of which actually answered their phones. I felt that it was time to make a stand; I felt that it was time for action. Action has been taken. I also grabbed an Obama bumper sticker, which is sitting on my dashboard right now because I’m still not sure if I want to put it on my car (I don’t like bumper stickers very much). But there it is, ON THE DASH, for all the world to see, provided my car is stationary and they’re looking very closely. Sorry, other candidates. The election is over. Go home to your spouses and children

It’s good to be a citizen.